Worked examples · three categories
Three listings, rewritten in full.
Kitchenware, outdoor gear, skincare. Supplier copy on the left, the delivered listing on the right — title, 60-word description, meta description, five bullet specs and image alt text. Judge the writing, then decide.
One · Kitchenware
End-grain walnut cutting board
A board is bought on size, and on why it costs what it costs. The original gives neither.
Before — supplier boilerplate
Wooden Chopping Board Large Kitchen Cutting Board Multifunctional
Made of high quality natural wood, this chopping board is durable and eco-friendly. Multifunctional design is suitable for cutting meat, vegetables, fruit and bread. Easy to clean and easy to store. A perfect gift for family and friends. Note: hand wash only, do not soak.
Wooden Chopping Board Large Kitchen Cutting Board Multifunctional — shop now for great prices and fast delivery on all orders.
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After — Tally
End-Grain Walnut Cutting Board, 40 × 30cm — 4cm Thick
End grain means the knife slides between the wood fibres instead of across them, so the board takes the cut and the edge survives it. Four centimetres of black walnut sit flat without rocking, and a juice groove runs the whole perimeter. Rubber feet lift it clear of the counter. Hand wash, dry standing up, oil it when the colour goes pale.
End-grain black walnut cutting board, 40 × 30cm and 4cm thick, with a full juice groove and rubber feet. Kind to knife edges. Hand wash and oil.
- Wood: black walnut, end-grain construction
- Size: 40 × 30 × 4cm
- Weight: 4.1kg
- Feet: four food-safe rubber pads, 8mm
- Care: hand wash, dry upright, food-grade mineral oil monthly
End-grain walnut cutting board on a pale counter, angled to show the 4cm side and the juice groove
What changed: the size moved into the title, because that is the filter every buyer applies first. "Multifunctional" and "perfect gift" were cut. End grain was promoted to the opening line — it is the only reason to pay walnut prices, and the original buries it entirely.
Two · Outdoor gear
20-litre roll-top dry bag
"100% waterproof" is a returns problem waiting to happen. A rating and one plain sentence sell better and come back less.
Before — supplier boilerplate
Waterproof Dry Bag 20L Outdoor Sports Swimming Bag
100% waterproof! Made of high quality PVC material, durable and tear resistant. Roll top closure keeps your belongings completely dry. Suitable for kayaking, boating, camping, hiking, fishing, swimming, rafting and other outdoor activities. Adjustable shoulder strap included. Multi-purpose use.
Waterproof Dry Bag 20L | Outdoor Sports Swimming Bag | Dry Bag Waterproof Bag 20 Litre Dry Sack Best Price
dry bag waterproof dry bag 20l waterproof bag
After — Tally
20L Roll-Top Dry Bag — Welded Seams, IPX6, 480g
The seams are welded, not stitched, so there is no needle hole for water to find. Roll the top over three times, clip it, and the bag will take a swamping or a short dunk without wetting what is inside. Twenty litres holds a sleeping bag and a change of clothes. The strap unclips when you want a plain sack.
20L roll-top dry bag with welded seams and an IPX6 rating. Holds a sleeping bag plus dry clothes, weighs 480g, strap unclips. Roll three times to close.
- Capacity: 20L, 48 × 30cm laid flat
- Fabric: 500D PVC tarpaulin, welded seams
- Rating: IPX6 — heavy spray and brief immersion, not for towing under water
- Weight: 480g including strap
- Closure: roll-top, three folds, side-release buckle
Yellow 20L dry bag with the top rolled and clipped, standing upright on wet rock
What changed: the claim was pulled back to a rating the bag can actually hold, then explained in one sentence so it still sells. Six of the nine activities were cut — a list that long tells a kayaker nothing. Weight went into the title, because gear buyers compare on grams.
Three · Skincare
Oat and squalane cleansing balm
A regulated category. Every claim here describes what the product does, not what the skin becomes.
Before — supplier boilerplate
Deep Cleansing Balm Makeup Remover 100ml
Gently melts away makeup, sunscreen and impurities. Our rich, luxurious texture transforms into a silky oil for an indulgent cleansing ritual. Suitable for all skin types. Leaves skin feeling soft, clean, refreshed and radiant. Cruelty free and paraben free.
Deep Cleansing Balm Makeup Remover 100ml. The best cleansing balm for glowing skin. Shop the collection today.
product-image-4.jpg
After — Tally
Oat & Squalane Cleansing Balm, 100ml — Fragrance Free
A firm balm that softens on contact and turns to oil as you work it in, so sunscreen and long-wear makeup lift off without scrubbing. Squalane and colloidal oat sit at the top of the ingredient list; there is no added fragrance and no essential oil. Add warm water and it emulsifies, then rinses clean and leaves no film on the towel.
Fragrance-free cleansing balm with squalane and colloidal oat. Melts sunscreen and long-wear makeup, emulsifies with water, rinses without a film. 100ml.
- Size: 100ml glass jar, spatula included
- Key ingredients: squalane, colloidal oat, shea butter
- Fragrance: none added, no essential oils
- Texture: solid balm, melts at skin temperature, emulsifies with water
- Use: on dry skin, before a water-based cleanser
Open glass jar of pale cream cleansing balm with a small spatula resting on the rim
What changed: "radiant", "indulgent" and "ritual" are gone, and nothing was put in their place that a regulator would want substantiated. What a fragrance-sensitive buyer scans for — fragrance free, no essential oils — moved into the title and the first line, where they will actually find it.
How to read these
Nothing above was invented about the products. Every number in a rewrite comes from a spec sheet, a supplier listing or a photograph. Where a fact is missing, the row comes back with a query against it rather than a guess.
Descriptions land at 60 words on purpose: long enough to answer the two questions that stop a sale, short enough that a phone shows all of it without a tap.
The same shape, forty times a month
- Title, front-loaded with the words a buyer types.
- Description, 60 words, no adjective doing a spec's job.
- Meta description, under 155 characters, reads as a sentence.
- Five bullet specs, in your own sizing and material vocabulary.
- Alt text that describes the photograph to someone who can't see it.
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